Too early for jokes? Of course, we are sensitive to the current global pandemic, and pray for recovery of those who are stricken, as well as the healthcare professionals working on their behalf. We’re talking ’bout the hysteria, here.
Yet, let’s talk about the unreasonable demand for “testing” of the entire population, immediately, and the overwhelming strain such a demand placed on our system. What was mass testing supposed to accomplish? Did we really need it or was it an unrealistic demand artificially created by the media to instill panic, create a run on toilet paper and foodstuffs, and designed to move forward the political goalposts by implying: “No immediate tests for 350 million people = Orange Man Bad.
It’s been my issue with testing all along. If there are only a few cases in a region, testing would reveal chains of possible transmission and be beneficial…. like we did with Ebola. Yet, if thousands of cases exist within a region, no country has the bureaucracy to devote to tracking individual spider-webs of transmissions, and testing becomes a waste of resources. Can we imagine the government trying to test and trace H1N1 infections when 50-60% of our population exhibits antibodies a decade later?
And, as Alison points out, testing begets proximity to those who are potentially infected and wastes protective gear, which are already in short supply for our healthcare workers.
Yet, still…… the media is focused on the NUMBER of tests, if the Trump Admin has conducted more/less than other countries. “Is the Trump Admin delivering what was promised to the people” was a source of contention in the presser yesterday, because the Trump Admin promised 1.4 million ….. only to learn more than 10 million tests have been delivered. It’s a media narrative, which fits into a predetermined journalists’ “recipe du jour” for a political story about how the Trump Admin is “bad”. Yet a story about the creation of a new tests, more labs, shortening the testing time to 45 minutes, gets hardly any press at all.
The media slept through the story of Wuhan during December/January because they were fixated on impeachment. Yet, by late February, the media was fairly successful with the idea of mass population testing, creating concern in the urban centers of the northeast/west coast, who are less self-reliant, more demanding of government solutions to individual problems, and those who exhibit hyper-sensitivity….. to…… anything.
But it made no sense given current situation. Testing begets more testing and would never be finished in a pandemic. There would be an infinite number of tests. Follow the logic of a typical urban dweller Dem:
- Tested negative Monday, but I want to be tested again tomorrow after going to the grocery store…. cuz….. so many people were there.
- Tested negative on Tuesday, but I want to be tested again tomorrow….. cuz Andre the mailman got a little too close to me.

- Test negative on Wednesday, but I want to be tested again tomorrow, cuz my throat “feels funny”…… and I know elective surgeries are being cancelled….. but I am selfish…… and what if there is something else wrong with my throat?
- Tested negative on Thursday, I want to be tested again tomorrow, because I received a box from Amazon…… and CNN/FOX told me the virus lives on cardboard for 24hours…… and I saw a story on social media where an Amazon worker tested positive…….. so, I might die from the transmission.
- Tested negative on Friday, but I want to be tested again cuz……… I have a dog…… and who knows where the dog has been……. and MSNBC told me the virus could be transferred in a dog’s fur.
- Tested negative on Saturday, but I want to be tested again on Sunday, because I can’t go to my veterinarian to pick up the organic-gluten-free-hypo-allergenic dog food for my gender-neutral dog….. so, I had to order it from Amazon…… and now I have another dreaded cardboard box to deal with……. which might kill me.

- Tested negative on Sunday, but I want to be tested again on Monday morning because I heard the government might shut down my state…… so, I have no way to escape my state….. so, I went to the gas station and filled up the tank……. and there were so many people there……. and their breath might contain the virus…… and I could die……..
- On Monday, I got a phone call from an old college girlfriend I haven’t seen in years, who knows someone, who read on social media, that their mom’s friend, in another state, MIGHT have the virus and is being tested. Surely, on Monday I would need to be tested again……. cuz……… I know someone who might have transmitted the virus…… That’s pretty close to me, right?
- Tested negative on Tuesday, but I want to be tested again, cuz my friends “who are experts” and the Washington Post tells me my President is lying, and I’m suspicious of all doctors, nurses, and local officials. I need to be reassured.

- Tested negative on Wednesday but call my doctor anyway because I think I have kidney failure. I attempt to convince my doctor all my lower back pain could not possible be muscle strain from rearranging the pantry to accommodate all the toilet paper I purchased. Doc tests me for COVID anyway…….. cuz the Feds/US Taxpayers are paying for the tests, and there are 10 million of them available.
- Tested negative on Thursday, but I want to be tested again, cuz I miss the folks at the testing station……. it’s my only social interaction…….. and it might be cool to post the selfies on social media…….. yeah, I’ll get a lot of likes for that one. BUT, there were so many people there…..
- So, I need to be tested again.
- And again.
- And again.
- Cuz, I am important and incapable of cooperation during a national emergency.
Can’t you see my problem? Feel sorry for me at the victim I have become…. Woe is me.

I can’t go to the gym, or work, or see my friends,………. so I’m bored, and depend on outside stimulation because I am unable to sit quietly and entertain myself………. and I have all this food which I hoarded…………. so, all I want to do is eat pie……. so, I’m going to get fat…… and I can’t afford a Pelaton……. cuz I no longer have a job.

Therefore, all my problems are Trump’s fault.
Whew, I feel better now. Yeah, like I’ve always said, all my problems come back to Trump. I don’t know anything about propaganda. CNN is the most trusted news source in the world.
