My 21yr old son, Gunner, was talkative last night. For over three hours, moving through topics with the greatest of ease, he drifted from gun ownership, to Antifa, to cheating in college, dating in the age of feminism, the hiring process, Russian submarine disaster, big tech, Microsoft versus Linux systems, H1B visas, and Fed Monetary Policy…. along with a LOT of anecdotal engineering (his discipline) stories thrown into the mix. He was animated and persuasive. Mostly, Big T and I listened.
Understand, my husband, when in law school, placed 2nd nationally for mock trial and was a Boston trial lawyer for 23yrs = highly verbal. I was a statewide debate and extemporaneous speaking champ = highly verbal. You have to FIGHT to get a word in edgewise in our house, AND with four stepsisters, Gunner had plenty of competition. Last night, however, he took the floor. When he went to bed, I was left…….. impressed. Kind of like that moment when you see your kids as an adult – it’s spooky.
He’s going to be fine. As far as his readiness to enter the real world, he’s like a casserole with only 5 minutes left on the oven timer….. almost done…. bubbling with possibilities……. and the delicious aroma of his potential makes my mouth water with anticipation.
During the conversation last night, my son expressed concern about various particular students and their struggles with money…. not the pizza and beer money…. but the money for an apartment/dorm, tuition and books. He wondered why they did not have scholarships or plan their future …. more prudently. Objectively, he acknowledged his viewpoint may be unfair, because our family was extremely focused on paying for college, both in saving money and applying for scholarships. Many families are not so keen to the idea. He didn’t however, think it was an excuse for the students, who are ultimately responsible. In his opinion, “Who the hell signs onto a $200K debt or committment with no plan to pay it back?” He couldn’t understand why more students did not hunt and apply for scholarships to ease their financial burden.
We’re not talking about average students either. These are kids over a 30 Composite on the ACT and in the 700’s on SAT’s. These are the kids who should have many scholarships and be in honor societies, no reason not to have them. He reasoned, if they worked so hard to excel in their studies, they should have thought more about the expense of college. To be reasonable however, some of them came from less fortunate families, or are first in their family to attend a university.
One of Gunner’s best friends, Kenny (not his real name) is a black male with super-high test scores. Kenny is an academic unicorn – a rare treasure, and my son loves him like he’s his own brother. Kenny had to drop out of college, flunked out, because he could not handle the social pressures, a Chem major, and the physical requirements of ROTC. In my son’s opinion, “The world needs guys like Kenny and we’re ALL worse off because Kenny didn’t make it.” My son emphatically stated, “If Kenny had been in our family, his real brother, with support, little bit of discipline, and consequences, Kenny would have finished successfully.” Unfortunately, Kenny had no one to count on, and no one to whom an answer was required. My son was correct, however, we all are worse off because of the failure.
The real reason Kenny failed = Kenny just wanted to be popular, for once, and not the egghead. Kenny partied too much….. flunked out…… and now works light construction…. when he can find work. Once full of hope, a provost scholar, and a rising star, Kenny is now desolate, no longer welcome in his mother’s home. It’s his own fault and he knows it. Tough lesson to learn…..lots of time and opportunity…… lost.
Again, our feeble attempt at solutions came back to finances, scholarships, and stability/security knowing the bills would be paid, even while on academic probation,….. and not overly burdensome upon graduation. To avoid the social pressures, Gunner suggested a stronger honor society, more work programs at school, friendships and mentoring, adopt-a-parent who will listen, within that group, to encourage good practices….., and a home cooked meal every now and then, instead of $1 shots on a Tuesday night. I know – I know, they’re supposed to be adults by age 18….. right?
And then, Gunner referred back to the FRC Scholarship problem, and how few applications were submitted, and what a mess the scholarship process has become. I nodded and remembered the fights and time spent on the process. It’s true, and I was dumbstruck by the low response for scholarship applications on a national level.
Here’s my story:
Gunner was in 9th grade. Our school had a little robotics team, first year, small robot, and a mini-grant for it, with a Robotics Advisor who actually stood up in church and said, “Technology is the Great Satan” Nahhhhh, it didn’t go over well with the kids. He also had a bad habit of looking down the girl’s blouses… for decades. In their first regional competition, they came in dead last— and landed at our house to graze food and organize a parent pickup. The boys, all of whom I had known since they were two years old, were furious and humiliated. I had never seen them so angry, and all angry at the same time. I asked them if they hated robotics and/or the competition, or if they were only angry because they didn’t know what they were doing. Unanimous vote, they wanted to stay, and win, AND be competent. Well then….. we had work to do.
Big T and I got involved in a major way. Team won state championship and placed #11/389 nationally in Orlando, and won the leadership award = big trophy we brought home. From 9th grade, with their success, the kids wanted to continue to another bigger team in 10th grade – but no advisor, no team, no nothing. Can’t take it away now, they were on a roll. We looked for options.
FRC was the granddaddy of robotics. They have thousands of teams all over the world. Their national championships are held in places like the Edward Jones Dome in St Louis or something like the Superdome in New Orleans, with teams from over 50 countries. It’s a big deal. The Black Eyed Peas played for halftime about 7yrs ago. Okay, sounds good, right? Gunner thought that was what we needed and I agreed. Why not? Yet, it’s expensive to buy in, $7-10K for first robot “kit” and a lot of manpower, facility to meet, tools to assemble, etc. I was convinced I could talk ex-husband into being the mentor, we just had to find the money.
Gunner learned NASA provides about 10 grants a year for FRC. Alrighty then, we had to win a grant……. a NASA grant….. among thousands who would compete. Big T wrote the first grant but it sounded like “Cause for War Declaration in the Middle East” – highly technical and boring. Gunner re-wrote (I helped) the grant and we won! We won a NASA grant, made the front page of the local paper. We also won another grant for a smaller robot for the Jr High, to mentor younger students and develop a “bench”. One thing led to another, Gunner became an Ambassador for NASA, manager of several pit crews (they have robotic pit crews like NASCAR), we traveled like crazy, and the advisor to NASA tucked us under his wing. Good guy to know. He changed my son’s life…..
Along the way, the USA Southeast Regional Chairwoman presumed I was somehow her competitor, …..smelled me breathing heavy at her heels. Huh??? She decided to throw me a bone and made me the Regional “Scholarship Chairman” for about 7 states and about 4500-6000 kids. I was honored, but clueless to her animosity…. never saw it coming. The kids were great, though! These students were science/tech focused, high performers, supported by their parents enough for travel and an expensive extra-curricular. She threw me a ‘Scholarship manual’ and a “Good luck with that”, and walked away. She dissed me out of the blue. I was blind-sided but miffed. Note taken. Payback is a bitch.
The guys and students worked on robots for months. Big T, the lawyer, who never touched so much as a weedeater before he met me, learned ALL ABOUT electrical wiring and socket wrenches with my ex-husband, the general contractor, who was at home in his wheelhouse. Oh my,   …… what a travel team they were. I gave them both credit to rise to the occasion for the kids. It was dicey at times. Me to Big T, “Honey, does it feel a little awkward checking into a hotel with my ex-husband?” His response, “Yeah, ya’ think?” That man is a blessing. At least they had different rooms.
Meanwhile, I dug into my new FRC volunteer position while working on the stone company and B&B. For good or bad, my personality is the very embodiment of a self-starter. With a little bit of authority, I can be dangerous….. but I am a benevolent dictator. Now, I was a Scholarship Chairman….. and I ran with it.
The kids on OUR team, we had about 50 by then, knew FRC offered 26 million dollars in scholarships at 168 top notch universities. Our kids were desperately looking for scholarships. Since we’re next door to the school, kids landed in my office (or kitchen) after school all the time, to talk about their future dreams, hopes, college, etc. My job was to connect student and university. Of course, Gunner was interested in obtaining a possible scholarship, BUT the program was a mess.
All that money, 26 million dollars, for kids who desperately needed it, and no easy way to connect them. After a few phone calls, I figured out the list was outdated, old contacts, bad phone numbers, etc. First thing to do was update the list — so I called 168 universities — and boy-oh-boy were they surprised to hear from me. Vast majority had not received a contact from our org in years. MOST were disappointed at the number of applications for scholarships their university was offering. Texas A&M reported 4 applications last year. Ga Tech, 7 applications and most unqualified. Brandeis, Cornell, NYU, UPenn, MIT, Lehigh, to Cal Poly, and Caltech, on and on it went.
The college admissions execs were keen for good applicants. They WANTED our kids. They wanted to figure out an easier way to get to the pool of our kids. Yet, if the scholarship is for electrical engineering, they didn’t want a humanities major to apply. The admissions officers were a little frustrated as well. We needed better matching of kid to scholarship and a higher profile for the program. “Okay sure”, I thought. I can do that!
Sooooooooo, I invited all 168 schools to our big regional in New Orleans for 3 days, and set up space for a college recruitment “row”. I printed elaborate invitations and followed up personally with phone calls. I didn’t ask for permission beforehand, but waited until I had 28 universities, with hotel and plane reservations confirmed, to casually “mention” the idea to my Chair, the witch. I wrecked her nerves. To be fair, she had enough to do with main organization of the event. I had “My portion under control, no worries.”, I said, but that just made her spit and stomp.
Big T and I also booked a suite at the hotel convention facility and offered to wine and dine the college recruiters the night before kick-off. Of course, I made Gumbo, lots of hors d’oeuvres, and the liquor flowed. It went VERY well……..
On day two, I was told, a college row “like this one” had never been done before….. “normally just a couple of locals”….. but I didn’t know that. Whoopsie Daisy! We had stacks and stacks of brochures and info from all 168 universities – and a few college mascots as well. It was great!
But then, there’s the important part……..
In prior months, I noticed a problem with the kids and their expectations about college – just at the local level, our kids, for our own school. They had so many questions, and no idea where to begin. Parents were confused as well. The misperceptions led to students ‘settling’ for less than their ideal choice, which is a shame. No reaching for a brass ring. Something had to be done.
To focus the kids, debunk the myths, and figure out what they really needed, I developed a “statistical study” as a starting point. I asked about 30 questions, single sheet of paper, open-ended, and printed up 4000 copies, distributing them to all entrants at our main event. I thought I might get lucky…… was hoping for 100 responses from the kids for a bigger sample …….. I received over 1200 returned surveys. Wow.
Like lightning striking, with a big clap of thunder, we were onto something bigger than I realized.
Kids and their parents swamped my table with questions……, even following me when I went to the bathroom, like I was the new Obi Wan Kenobi and carried the keys to college money. I wasn’t and I knew it. It was time for me to up my game. I was no college counselor – but I knew a 168 people who could point us in the right direction. Over three days, we practically rubber-stamped over 800K in scholarships and saved one scholarship worth $25K a year. Not bad ….. not bad at all…..
After I got home, I collated the results of the 1200 responses. I spent a weekend and manually entered 30 answers – and their notes, for all 1234 responses, to tabulate percentages and reach conclusions. I was stunned by the results. I produced what I thought was a fairly professional report on the raw results and conclusions I drew. Then, I sent the summary/report/raw results spreadsheet to several who were interested at the home office of FRC, all regional board members, and my bitch of a Chairwoman. Got a LOT of phone calls from the home office and a strong hint of job offer with a transfer BACK to Boston. Funny that!?!
Well, I was fired from my ‘volunteer’ job the following year by the Chairwoman. Wonder why?!?
BUT……. momma’s no fool. I kept my lists and contacts with college admission officers. We walked our kids through the process and dozens of them received scholarships. Gunner landed a few as well. He’s flush with cash and sitting pretty.
Almost a decade later, I still talk to some of those college recruiters. My list has worn edges but I still keep it handy. Team mentors who became friends still call me. Every now and then, a kid knocks on my door for help. I’m still no pro, but reading the scholarship directions carefully and making a phone call to an admissions officer is worth thousands of dollars to those kids. We…. someone…..  simply needs to take the time to listen to our kids, and match the students with the scholarships….. and many of them would no longer slip through the cracks. We need to find a way to hang onto the Kenny’s, for the benefit of us all.
It would help us build a better country.
PS – I wanted to add a pic to this post but didn’t want to include photos of student minors and other people who might object. So, here is a picture of the shrimp po boy I had for lunch in New Orleans. Q Tree loves good food. Nothing better than a “dressed” po boy.