"You Mean….., You're a Woman?"

Why are we talking about women all the time? It was a day kind of like today. Temps were in the low 60’s, partly cloudy skies, early spring, and swollen buds on my Japanese Magnolias. Spring had arrived. After breakfast guests, I hurried through tidying up the rooms. Like a hibernating bear, I desperately wanted to be out in the sun. I grabbed a portable radio and there I was,Β dancing away and digging a ditch. Physical work is immensely gratifying and beads of perspiration popped on my forehead. The robins were following my every move. They would perch, on the top of a dirt clod, waiting for me to turn over the next shovel full. Yes, I was digging a drainage ditch. Our house has a basement, and we are always conscious of water standing near the foundation. My mission was really twofold, spring maintenance for the basement and to lay out an herb garden. The grass was still brown, but I had a vision. I was wrestling with a French drain, when a pickup truck whizzed into my neighbor’s driveway and stopped about 15′ from where I was working. It was our Mayor and our State Senator, who was also State Chair of Ways and Means. The Mayor spoke first, “What the hell are you doing, Daughn?”. I recognized his voice. Still stooped over and self-conscious that my butt was facing him, I turned the radio down and swung to pitch an elbow on the end of my shovel. I was caught, busted, and tried to look as presentable as possible. “I’m digging a ditch…..”, I went on to explain. Mayor said, “Why isn’t (husband) digging?”, and I made some excuse. Seizing the opportunity to make a deal for my garden, I approached his truck, explained about the herb garden, and asked him for some ‘rip-rat’ to edge my garden. Rip rat are the large stones placed near a new exit ramp by DOT to control erosion. “How much do ya’ need?”, he replied. I pointed to the length needed and asked for a little more. “Okay, I can see it happening for you.”, I was smiling, that was easy. “We need to talk to you about something important.”, said the Mayor. State Senator nodded in agreement. I braced myself on the edge of my shovel, “What does he want me to do now….”, I thought. I was ready, here it came, “You have to be the next Mayor”, he proclaimed. I reacted physically, reeling, but there was no chair to sit in. “Huh?”, I was stammering. He blindsided me. Background #1: The Mayor and I were good friends. He was one of my husband’s best friends. Both of them had construction companies and knew each other for decades before I moved home. He was the best of Mayors for our little town. He was decisive, fearless, a man’s man, ruggedly handsome, and a champ when it came to negotiating. He was 6′ 3″ and imposing, wealthy, naturally intuitive, and also well educated. His experience in municipal bonds was limited, and because of my experience, I helped him. I was also shrewd, steeped in contract law, and provided added benefit. The two of us played good cop/bad cop and ‘danced’ together in a negotiation like we could read each other’s mind. We worked on the hospital, the schools, Christmas parades, federal agencies, and natural disasters. He never called or rang my front doorbell when he needed me, he just walked in the back door. Most of all, my family was deeply experienced in recruiting corp’s to our area. Together, we worked on many, many deals, successfully landing 4 Fortune 500 companies in our town, which improved employment, tax base, school system, etc. Beyond that, I liked the guy. Background #2: Our State Senator was also a friend. He was recently divorced when he brought a lovely woman to an event at our house. It was their first date. He proposed to her at our house, and they were married at our house. She became a girlfriend to me. He was an incredibly adept politician who “got things done”. He listened constantly, never missed a word, and rarely spoke. He was a powerful man who was about 20yrs my elder. At the time, I had just turned 34. Our State Senator broke the awkward silence and explained the Mayor was ‘moving up’. Because of his local success, the Mayor was appointed to head the State Dept of Econ Development. Because of a surreal performance during a natural disaster, our fire chief was also moving up to head Emergency Management for the State. That left a leadership problem at the local level. As he described, “the funnel of new business we had established was important and stability was paramount”. I was the natural choice to fill in. The decision had been made. I was the chosen one. “But I can’t”, I shook my head. They were dumbfounded I would turn down such a gift. Yet, I knew something they did not, something I could not reveal. I offered an excuse, “I just started my business. I have 23 people working out of my house, a mortgage to pay.” “Don’t worry about the money”, was his cool reply. Curious answer. “B-b-b-ut the salary for a Mayor was a pittance, and I’m not naturally wealthy!”, the Mayor knew my personal finances well. I had a 5 year plan and a 10 year plan. The pay cut would have been about 80%. Again, “Don’t worry about the money”, said the State Senator. They explained, they had already spoken to my husband (to see if I might be interested) and he was “on board”. I was flattered and honored. It could only be me, the opposition would be a pompous, dangerous, and inept man. I reluctantly objected again. “I was no politician.”, which they countered. “I was only 34yrs old.”, which they countered. The town’s Mayors were always older men, born and bred in the town, deacons of their churches, past Presidents of Rotary. I was from the town, baptized and married in a local church, but I spent my whole life….. away. I was a newbie, sort of. “Who in the hell would vote for me?”, I was puzzled. The Mayor sighed. Our prominent black alderman had proposed me to be the new Mayor and had also met with my husband (to see if I might be interested). I was assured the vote because as our Black Alderman said, “Of all people, I was tough but fair”. I smiled slightly, always liked that particular alderman, he was also ‘tough but fair’. I was looking at the ground, thinking, running out of excuses and kept resisting. The Mayor sensed something was wrong and he asked, “What the hell, Daughn, I’ll help you campaign!” and “It will be fun!”. Finally and more sternly, he demanded, “What’s the damn problem?”. I rose my head slowly, and narrowed my eyes. Deep breath. “I’m pregnant”, I blurted. “My due date is October 21st and the election would be the beginning of November”, silence…….., “How’s that going to work?”, I said, “How can I campaign?” Plus, “What if the baby, God forbid, is not okay?” The shock washed over them in a less than a second. The Mayor put his head on the steering wheel, then he threw it back against the headrest, staring at the grey velour on the ceiling of the pickup. In the passenger seat, the State Senator put both arms against the glove compartment to brace himself. The Mayor let out a breath, turned to me and said, “You mean…… you’re a woman?”. Almost immediately, the Mayor said, “I ……..just……never……. thought of you as being a woman”. I chuckled. His reaction was overwhelming and sincere. Can’t be faked. Here was a man, an accomplished and experienced man, who LOVED and ADMIRED every inch of women, ALL women, especially his wife. Yet, he perceived me differently than other women. I was his buddy with a numbers brain. I was 110% female, no mistake, and definitely a “babe” at the time, but I was one of the guys. How cool for me? I landed the secret keys to the guy kingdom. Best compliment, ever. I shook my finger at him and swore the both of them to secrecy. I had not told my husband I was pregnant. They were the first to know. When women enter the workforce or become involved in their community, they enter as people who contribute to a group effort. I never beat my chest or asked for special dispensation because I was a woman. We all know the rules. There isn’t another set of rules for women – or is there…. now? Have we lowered the standards for women? Doesn’t that naturally lead to lower performance for the whole group effort? I chose to over-perform and not be a token hire. It’s the ONLY way to earn the respect of the entire group and ever be considered “worthy”. To hell with being “equal”. Furthermore, we all know people who seek to denigrate others to elevate themselves. It’s not healthy psychological behavior. It’s wrong but fairly common in social media, today. The women in this photo, the new and flashy women of the Congress, seek to degrade all men, and others of various religions or races, to elevate themselves. It’s wrong and destructive behavior. I submit, if AOC were a man, she would have already been admonished and cast aside for her flighty and irrational statements. Imagine the response to the “Green Deal” if presented by a 29yr old white male, freshman Congressman. Would ANY news outlet have covered HIS idea?Β On a regular basis, she condemns men, only because they are men, and immediately defers to victim status, demanding special treatment because she is a woman. She will never earn respect in this way and can only be a token hire. She seeks another set of rules, for her. This kind of self-absorbed behavior leads to resentment on behalf of those who do the actual work. Resentment of this nature is bad for any organization, yet we would be hard pressed to find a company, today, where it does not exist. Are women or ‘skin colors’ promoted for the sake of diversity? Yeah. AOC’s behavior harms all women in this way. Deserving women are constantly tested to prove and reprove themselves as worthy and NOT the token hire. Other women on the cover also seek a different set of rules, to win based on “feelings” or “their truth”, which is usually not actual rational truth. Why is the DNC seeking a “woman of color” to run for President instead of touting accomplishments of the person? They seek to be placated, for all others to bow before them, to stop and listen when they speak, NOT because of what they say, but because of their color, religion, or sex. Why? Why would anyone presume to be superior because of skin color, sex, or religion? Who are the real bigots, here? Pelosi              
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fleporeblog

Daughn you are an incredible writer and an incredible woman! We now live in a society where being white and a male is a death sentence. I happen to be both. As a Principal of a predominantly all boys high school in Fort Apache, the Bronx, I had the ability to hire my entire staff since I started the school from scratch.
In education, a majority of the adults happen to be women. I hate to admit it but they gave me some of my biggest headaches. If the boys were mean to them they expected me to be their father and protect them from the mean Black and Hispanic boys. Plus a majority of them were white and assumed I would absolutely defend them because I was white.
What always bothered me was the fact that they were all flaming liberals that would fight for every cause yet they needed me to be the hammer whenever the boys of color were mean to them.
By my 7th year I had enough. It wasn’t the students that burned me out, it was my predominantly female staff.
I told my wife if I had to do it again, I would have had an all male staff. People are free to call me a sexist. My sanity and my health are far more important.

Deplorable Patriot

As someone who kept others organized in the workplace, I would take a man for a boss any day of the week and seven or eight times on Sunday. Even gay guys are much easier to be around and ask questions that need simple answers.

Gail Combs

AMEN!!!
The most treacherous boss I ever had was a woman and I had some real doozies, like the retired government chemist… Come to think of it I got both of them fired.
I always HATED being a ‘token woman’ it meant you had to fight twice as hard to have your ideas considered. Also you might get hired, but you did not get the raises or the promotions… unless they needed another token.

Deplorable Patriot

I had one woman boss…I would send emails with a list of questions, and she’d answer the first one only with “let’s talk about this.” She was one of the veggie brain wonders. Eventually, I would send a series of emails with one question each. Half the time they weren’t answered.

Deplorable Patriot

And then there was the place run by what amounted to a coven. We had forms to fill out before our meetings with our supervisors.
And people wonder why I work from home.

Sylvia Avery

Yes. I always preferred male bosses. They understood power and knew how to wield it better, for the most part.

Alison

Male bosses, male co-workers, male friends. Life is WAY easier in a man’s world. Women are their own worst enemies.
The passive-aggressive, process-oriented (rather than results-oriented) style of ‘most’ women is a challenge in relationships at home and work.
(apologies to all the women here who don’t fit that profile 😍)

pgroup

Why apologize? If they don’t fit the profile, they aren’t going to feel like you’re addressing them.

Deplorable Patriot

They also don’t hold grudges.

rayzorbak

lol….. “Simple answers”….
Yep…. ask a man πŸ™‚

Sylvia Avery

I’m a woman, and I agree. Men were easier to work for and work with. And yes, I’m speaking in generalities and OF COURSE there were exceptions. And still…I preferred men. Much easier to work with and for.

Sylvia Avery

That too! Maybe that most of all!

Gail Combs

NO BACK STABBING!!!

Charlie

Ladies maybe you haven’t work with men (any gender they choose that day, gay, lbgtq or ???) in the art world. They make women look like pikers, catty, mean, manipulative, back stabbing and on and on…
Would much rather work for a woman loving man in a man’s world any day.

Plain Jane

Fifty years ago, I taught in a small Catholic school. The women teachers and the nuns were great. Small environment. Prior to that, I worked HR for a steel mill. Large office, 90% were catty women. Because it was HR, some of them saw my testing scores prior to my first day at work, and because I was working my way through night school, I got targeted mercilessly. They insinuated that I thought I was too good to just work in an office, and some said so.
That’s okay though, within a year they learned I started dating someone from within the company. It was obvious from where his phone calls originated in the company that he was an up and comer. Drove them nuts trying to learn who he was that phoned me during lunch. They weren’t invited to the wedding. After 50+ years, I still chuckle.

fleporeblog

Good for you Jane!

Plain Jane

Grin.

Plain Jane

TY. So are you and all us deplorablebabes. πŸ™‚

rayzorbak

Ditto….
Daugn…… ANOTHER exceptional story.
You are a born Writer……
Your writing style draws me into the story….
Paints a mental picture….
and before I am ready…
The story ends.
(BTW …. it’s “Rip-Rap”, Not “rip-rat”)

Gil

Theyre putting that all over the fwy on n off ramps here. Replacing a lot of green with rock. Pretty rock but a bit sterile. Im pretty happy seeing all the places where ponds have sprung up from all the rain. We should have poppies and other flora everywhere in a few weeks.

SingularZoe

Flep, I can understand how you felt. I found it much easier to work with men–most of the women I worked with were also very catty.
Daughn, this is such a fine piece of writing and love this story so much. Can’t wait for your book–I hope. Thank you, sister, you are a real inspiriation.

ZooNTexas

What is Rolling Stoner trying to scare the crap out of US?

michaelh

And NN wearing purple too!

CM in TN

So Daughn, did the opposition guy get to be the new mayor, or did y’all find a suitable replacement?

Plain Jane

Bwahaha. β€œHe was ugly, too!” Sounds like a dim.

Plain Jane

LOL. Still LMAO. Just read that to DH.

Aubergine

I heard today that the Olympics is going to allow transgendered MALES who have not had gender reassignment surgery to compete AS WOMEN. I had a not-so-good reaction, so I went to see a good friend of mine, a very level-headed woman. I mean, good grief, women can’t physically compete with men. It’s ridiculous to me. My friend had a different take.
Her thought: “Well, women have been trying to be ‘equal’ to men, so here’s their chance (friend used to be in the military, she is a bad-ass, but totally knows her limits).”
I pondered it for a bit, and realized she had a good point.
And the entertainment to be had in watching the feminazi class try to thread the needle between PROMOTING and DEFENDING women’s sports while simultaneously NOT OFFENDING the trans community is going to be EPIC.
Good times, I decided.

fleporeblog

michaelh

Like all state/federal funding for “higher ed”.

trumpismine

Another great read Daughn and your hubby? One lucky guy πŸ™‚

itswoot

I think that at least part of the fixation over gender orientation is intentional, and meant to be a distraction away from content of a persons character.
A quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. comes to mind. Substitute “the color of their skin” with “their gender” for current relevance.
” I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

wolfmoon1776

Great read! Love it!

fleporeblog

Love it Daughn! Good for your stepson πŸ˜‚

Emeraldstar

“She quit.”
Your 11-year-old stepson proved quite precocious, yes?
Saved you from being the heavy, having to fire her!
Mysterious ways …

Plain Jane

ROTFLMAO. I like your stepson. Sounds like something my boys would have done.

wolfmoon1776

TALKING BACK TO SINKING STONEcomment image
Some advice.
Women who ACTUALLY shape the future DO much and SAY just enough…..comment imagecomment imagecomment imagecomment image

wolfmoon1776

Very happy she didn’t wear a black hat pattern to the State of the Union address.

nikkichico7

She has a kind face but sure as heck wouldn’t mess with .. I LIKE her πŸ˜‰

Deplorable Patriot

“Women shaping the future”
As if they were a foundation garment or something. Just say no to spandex.
Well, not literally.

Deplorable Patriot

Yes. Actually I think she needs a corset…and a straight jacket.

Deplorable Patriot

What gets me about this topic is that for well over a hundred years, women in this country have been conditioned to not be satisfied. With anything. Place in life, spouse, wardrobe, figure, the very essence of what it is to be a woman. Religion.
Yes, we should be paid equally for equal work – and in one of my areas, music, that does happen and has for centuries even if there are those who will sleep with the director for a part – but there is no reason to be constantly dissatisfied.
Frankly, some of us would rather stay at home and keep house than live with the drama of a workplace and then come home to have to keep the house anyway.
I’d say something about splitting attention, but that might not be taken the right way.

Gil

Im going to say something that bugs me, but I dont know if it should. I am a sahm. Essentially, mr gil goes to work, mows the lawn, and is supposed to wash our cars. He has zero other regular responsibilities. And yet, he has said he resents me bc I do not bring in money, therefore I dont financially contribute. Staying at home, I do everything else, but especially Im here for my kiddo. Im not sure at home or out there is easier either way.

rayzorbak

And I’ll bet you are one of the BEST mom’s around….
And sounds like a GREAT “Helpmate” to your hubby πŸ™‚

NebraskaFilly

Just a suggestion regarding your hubby and his resentment. Prepare a bill on what it would cost to HIRE someone to do what you do. And be realistic, according to today’s prices. That should wake his butt up! Then add at the bottom the value of your love, support, all the little extra things you do for him (and you know they are many!) as = PRICELESS!

Gil

Oh, Ive asked him just to check child care…. ive expl ained private school significantly. I think today he is on board for private school. Thats the best win I could get.

Gil

Hahaha….I would make more than he does! πŸ€”πŸ˜‰

michaelh

Daughn is more like an army of 100 by herself.

rayzorbak

I suggest NOT to take the adversarial route…..
Talk to him…. Pray for him….. Help where you can.
Honey will get you way more than vinegar.

NebraskaFilly

WADR, I don’t consider showing accurate statistics that prove your worth as a stay-at-home Mom to be an adversarial move. I guess it depends on one’s definition.

rayzorbak

Never underestimate a “Stay at home” mom..
I wish all that wanted to…. could.
Moms are the TOP Job in my opinion.
Life on earth would NOT exist if “men” had to do your job(s)

Gil

Yes. Honey is good. He prefers cjic5olate chip cookies but just took up a diet. He let our beagle escape last weekend while I was out and the new neighbors found her, put her on a leash and was looking for her owner (he had left her collar with my number off). I came home and she was so happy. I didnt kill him, esp since this was the 2nd time, and that helped. I al so made a double batch of giant chocolate chip cookies for said neighbors. So he at least got to smell them. Lol.

Emeraldstar

You are his HOME, Gil. Not the house.
Perhaps you should remind him of that … and that all the money in the WORLD will never replace his home. YOU.
Nip it in the bud!

rayzorbak

Well…. contrary to popular belief…
Men and Women ARE different.
Built different to serve different purposes.
While I design and Build Houses, Fix the cars and everything else,
Work a regular job, Mow the yard, Roll out Sod, Dig ditched etc.
I was built to do these things.
My wife keeps the house, cooks our food, Bore and raised our children
all while having a regular job (after the kids were in school)
I could NOT do the things she does.
I don’t tell her often enough how much I Love and appreciate her…..
Uh oh….. Be right back πŸ™‚

Gil

Thats a good egg!

Charlie

Dear Mr. Gil,
A lot of women would cherish a man like you, being able to take care of the home, raise kids and be there for all things “family” is a gift so many can’t afford. Luckiest are the men that have a “home” instead of a roof over your head.
Jealous,
Anonymous

Gil

Oh, I am a stay at home mom. But i do appreciate your sentiment!

Charlie

Comment is for “Mr” Gil and “yes” jealous you are a stay at home mom. Envious to be exact : )

Gil

Ohh…sorry…i think i must be tired…shouldve evaluated it better. πŸ™„

michaelh

My wife was in the hospital for over two weeks, and I had to take leave and stay home with the three kids all under ten.
Umm yeah I appreciate my wife. I’ll stick with cybersecurity – it’s a lot easier career choice.

TakeBackOurRepublic

We made the decision together that I would stay home after the birth of my 3rd child (my second husband’s firstborn). It was made jointly for the benefit of our family unit and I can’t begin to explain how grateful I was to have my husband’s support. We agreed to sacrifice financial comforts in exchange for my raising our family in lieu of daycare (been there done that for the first 2). The next ten years and one more child at home were the most rewarding of my life. As a stay at home mom, I replaced my salary with efforts, love and devotion to our family and my husband spoke his appreciation often. Your husband should be thankful. His child is raised by the person who loves them the most. Mothering matters!

TakeBackOurRepublic

Absolutely. Moms made kids toe the line so that when they entered school they were respectful of (school) authority. When we wonder where respect went with the new generations, you need only look for the missing parents.

michaelh

“What gets me about this topic is that for well over a hundred years, women in this country have been conditioned to not be satisfied. With anything. Place in life, spouse, wardrobe, figure, the very essence of what it is to be a woman. Religion.”
Discontent, Ingratitude, and Envy – these are the beginning of Marxism.

Deplorable Patriot

At least one is a deadly sin, too. It’s part of walking away from God.

Gil

What dod he end up doing in life?

Gil

Sounds like an old soul kind of person. Definitely a good egg kid.

Gail Combs

Best hire I ever made for working in one of my labs was a Carpenters apprentice!
Very bright, learned quickly, was never ever late and just about read my mind. I hope he did well at the company after I left.

Gil

Not sure where my comment went but he sounds like an old soul and a good egg.

wolfmoon1776
Gil

If you have no institutions to distract and/or apply faith or have as mentors and heroes, and the government is all that is left, people will just become those commie state workers. Either gung ho robust, and all in, or complacent and apathetic. Miserable all the way around, but the state, the world state, will be so far removed they wont care about anyone.

redlegleader68

How could one not agree more with our Fle?
“Daughn you are an incredible writer and an incredible woman!”
Thank you for being you, Daughn.

Alison

Amen. Daughn tells great takes – creative nonfiction is the newest ‘buzzy’ genre for writers, except all any of them write about is their tales of woe (social justice, don’t cha know).
Along comes Daughn putting a whole lot of creativity into writing her life stories. “True Stories Well Told”.
Apropos Daughn’s title … my girlfriend and I still chuckle at her grandson who, when a toddler, took a shower with her & exclaimed, “Grandma! You’re a Girl !!” 🀣

wolfmoon1776

*screaming laughter, wife on phone annoyed*

michaelh

*SPIT* yeah gonna pay for that later, and it’s gonna leave a mark! ROFLMAO!!!

wolfmoon1776

Good times!

Gil

Oh my. I love kids.

wolfmoon1776

LOL!
I can imagine some great dialogue after that.
“Grandmas are a kind of girl!”
“W E I R D ! ! !”

wolfmoon1776

HA!!!

nikkichico7

I love your posts daughn …. enjoy them and admire you πŸ™‚πŸ‘β€οΈβ€ΌοΈπŸ˜‰
God bless you 🀨

nikkichico7

Absolutely … whether those guys like it or not .. πŸ€¨πŸ‘ .. πŸ˜‰
I’ll be the cowardly lion in the Judy Garland Wizard of Oz … I already have the right body type 😜🀚 .. ❀️

nikkichico7

🀫 …. I want it be a surprise .. πŸ‘ŒπŸ˜¬

nikkichico7

πŸ˜ƒπŸ‘β€οΈπŸ˜‰ .. cool 😎

nikkichico7

You win .. I’ll be Christopher Waken’s lion .. πŸ˜ƒπŸ‘
.. also I’m kind of lippy … 🀭

ladypenquin

It’s clear you would have made a good lawyer – the judge and jury held spellbound by your lawyerly arguments. πŸ™‚

Gail Combs

Or all rolling on the floor laughing…

singingsoul

Daughn you are and excellent writer and full of life.πŸ˜„
Thank you for lifting my spirit.

Volgarian8301

Absolutely love your stories!! You have a natural talent in telling a story that is very captivating.

itswoot

Joe L. Wheeler did a three-book series of compiled stories titled, “Great Stories Remembered”, which were published by Focus on the Family. Excellent reading. I had the first two, but lost one after loaning it out.

itswoot

This is a story I had remembered reading in one of Wheeler’s books. Have some tissues handy before reading.
https://bible.org/illustration/it-happened-brooklyn-subway

itswoot

It’s a feel good, happy story. Tears of joy.

A Fortiori

Daughn – you are a wonderful story teller. I think you should continue to post little life stories here, and when you have accumulated a critical mass of them, consider compiling them into a book. “What I found on the road less traveled” or something like that.
One of my wife’s good friends runs a little book publishing company, and she specializes in helping newbies get published. I’d be happy to make an introduction.

golsono

May you stay Forever Young